Orc in a wok

My human and I had a bit of a discussion. Alright, a yelling.
About a week ago I had been watching something very interesting on kraut telly. Some very odd folks were using a huge bowl-like dish by the name of Wok to sled down a track. It looked like a lot of fun. (In case you have no idea what I’m talking about: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wok_racing or: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUHQoD3lgQI )
So, naturally, I wanted to try it myself.
Luckily, she-human owns a wok, so I took it. A series of problems occured:
1. no snow or ice anywhere near where I live right now
2. rooftops are not as useful as I thought
3. stairs have no use either
4. the wok is not suited for a butt of orcish proportions
5. she-human now needs a new wok
6. I might find it difficult to sit for a while

They did not mention all that on the telly. Bunch of liars.
Do you know where I might get a bigger wok?

In the Abyss part 5

Slaag, the Shadow (the shadow? the shadow!)
(Contains sitting on humans)
How do you cope in a world of shadows? Exactly. By becoming a shadow yourself. You move through the air, through objects, the darkness is your friend. On the downside you cannot hold a weapon anymore. There’s always something.
So, Slaag rather easily adapted to his new shape and environment. He passed dead swamps, rotten trees and muddy waters. Some of the shadows seemed to follow him but he – very orcish – chose to ignore them. More interesting, he faced a solid figure, popping out of the shadows. I mean, solid in the sense of not being a shadow. He had mostly human form, wore a cape and had fangs. He and Slaag had a nice little chat. After a while Slaag announced that he was going to hit the cape-guy. You have to admit that he had managed to hold back for an impressive amount of time. The vampire wasn’t bothered, neither by the announcement nor by the actual hit. Because, as you might have already guessed, Slaag’s fist moved right through cape-guy. Instead the vampire invited Slaag over to a solid rock formation where heroic adventurers faced a very hostile group of shadows. Slaag and cape-guy enjoyed the show for a bit. Then one of the adventurers turned towards them. Slaag had another nice little chat and demanded to have the blond she-human of the group for himself. He would, wouldn’t he. The other adventurers voted against that, rather expectantly. So a fight was inevitable, much to the vampire’s entertainment (and providing his dinner). Slaag got rid of the adventurer and sat down on the she-human to make her a shadow as well. (He does that sitting-on-the-enemy-thing a lot. It’s very effective given his body weight)
After having had his snack the vampire seemed quite eager to get rid of the orc and showed him something that might have been of interest: a softly glowing blue thread dangling in the shadows.