Now I have a picture in my head of a row of dancing orcs in tutus, smiling brightly as they sing a happy tune. I got to throw up any second now. Here’s what caused this odd string of thoughts (and I use the word ‘thoughts’ quite loosely): Continue reading Thrakbog goes to Hollywood. Or maybe not.
It’s me again. No guest blogger this time. In fact, I don’t think she’ll ever do anything remotely nice for me in the near future or ever. She-human got very angry with me. It might as well be that I won’t be staying at her place for very long. I mean “Leave or else I’ll kill you”, that says something, doesn’t it? At least it’s a language that I finally understand.
Anyway, here’s what made her so angry:
Last evening she-human declared she was going out to see a play at a Westend theater. At first I had no idea what she was talking about, but she explained it to me. It’s a bit like children playing ‘catch the troll’ and one of them has to pretend to be the troll. Only in human plays there are rarely any trolls. The play she was going to see was called ‘Shakespeare in Love’. No trolls there. I had heard about that Shakespeare guy shortly after my arival in the metropolis so I thought it might be nice to meet him finally. She-human explained that he was not to appear in the play because he was dead but that it was only about him in a fictional way. You see, this is a typical explanation I usually get when I want a simple answer to a simple question. It’s always complicated with humans, or I should say, it’s always complicated with females of any species. I give you an example. You ask: is this fungus edible? And the simple answer would be yes or no. The orcish answer would be: go find out yourself. But the female answer is something like: Oh, that depends on what you want to cook for dinner. If you intend having the fish then it goes better with bla bla bla. THAT WAS NOT WHAT I HAD BEEN ASKING!
So to the theater we went. She was not happy about me coming along but I wanted to see for myself if that Shakespeare guy wasn’t showing up by any chance, dead or not. In the westend there are a lot of theaters. And every night they all put some people on a stage who then pretend to be someone else. I would perfectly understand if they all pretended to be orcs or at least dark elves. But they only pretended to be other humans. What’s the point? I also realized that other plays sounded a lot more interesting than the being in love kind of stuff. But she-human insisted that it was to be that one for the evening and nothing else.
Well, to make it short, she did not see much of the play in the end. We didn’t see any other play either. And the Shakespeare guy didn’t show up. And now she hates me. It might have a lot to do with the fact that the stage took a bit of damage last night. But it wasn’t my fault! I mean who paints a scenery? Couldn’t they use some more substantial material like wood or steel? When the curtain fell down on me I couldn’t see properly and stumbled into the painted canvas in the background. Perhaps I shouldn’t have tried to climb up the rope that was obviously connected to the curtain. But they had failed to put up a ladder that led to the upper construction where a guy had some problems with handling the light. He switched it on and off instead of keeping ot going permanently. I just wanted to help him. Well, sort of. I also wanted to get rid of the Master of the Revels as he hindered the hero and by that, the play. I considered hanging him witht he rope but she-human yelled at me to get out. I lost my footing, crashed down from the upper construction and landed on the actor playing the queen. It took them a while to untangle us all and the play ended there. I really don’t think it was such a good play. ‘Catch the troll’ is a lot more entertaining.
So, now she-human is angry with me. I think it may be because the play dissappointed her as well. I might take her out for another one soon. I heard about this Hamlet thingy next year. On the other hand, if she keeps blaming me for the whole thing I might as well look for other accomodations.
CU around 🙂 (yes, that’s a threat)