My human suggested that I should blog in a more conventional way but also revealing more of my orcish side. I do not need to tell you that she-human is full of those contradictions. And yet, I listened (partially) and did some research on what a proper blog should contain. Now I only need to fill it with the orcish spirit and that’s it then.
My research provided me with the following topics with which I might regale you over the course of the next couple of months. Perhaps you favor some over the others to read about? Let me know. So, here we go: Continue reading The orcish side of blogging
Me (that is Thrakbog, just in case you forgot)
It was hot. I was hot! (no, we’re not yet anywhere near the sex bit) Everything around me was rocks and rocks of lava. And a small path. Anyone not expecting me to follow the only obvious path? Leave at once. Everyone else: follow me.
The sky seemed to be on fire, with lots of fireballs aimlessly flying around. I came upon pillars and a bridge over a deep chasm. Not the pillars were over the chasm, only the bridge. The pillars were decorated with jewels. Naturally I wanted them (the jewels, not the…, never mind). But instead of a ruby I got a visitor. A small lava elemental, accompanied by some fireballs, determined to attack me.
I ignored it (we orcs have that stoic quality in abundance) and tried harder to get a ruby. Instead another lava elemental appeared. So I tried to cross the bridge (I was not trying to get away from those silly walking hot stones!), but I bumped right into an invisible wall. So I turned and fought.
It ended victoriously for me, of course, but to my dismay I had taken quite a few injuries.
Not feeling very well, I returned to the ruby-project. When I pressed one of them, a voice out of nowhere asked why no one pressed the ruby on the other pillar in order to get to the other side of the bridge. I decided not to question the shapeless voice. As a reward a she-orc appeared, incredibly sexy, wearing nothing but a chainmail-loincloth, and grinning knowingly. I didn’t care one bit for what exactly it was she knew. She wanted me. But she demanded that I close my eyes. Women and their kinks, you know what I mean. But before we took it any further (metaphorically and physically), we pressed the ruby buttons and moved across the bridge. On the other side we gave in to our carnal needs and added substantially to the surrounding hotness.
When I came to again, still a bit lost in hot dreams, I also came face to face with the ugliest creature I ever beheld. A vulture-like beast with dry and dangling breasts was looming over and drooling down on me. I lashed out at it. Didn’t do much harm. Instead it laughed. I picked up the pieces of my dignity and walked away. It followed me, amused.
I came upon the entrance of a cave, wherein I faced burning dwarves. Yes, reader, they stood in flames, not caring one bit about it. One of them spoke my language, telling me that they were happy to see me (a first from the mouth of a dwarf), because they believed in a prophecy that an orc would come to free them from the curse of a succubus. And guess what? Yeeees, the sexy she-orc and the drooling vulture, they both were none other than said succubus. So, killing it was a given. The burning dwarves and I fought together as one orc (or dwarf, alright) and finished the beast off. We exchanged compliments and I was given a reward: a softly glowing… well, you get it.