Tag Archives: Vorn

In the Abyss part 4

Vorn, the spiky elf-tree (or tree-elf?)
(Contains violence. Surely you had seen this coming, right? I mean, I am an orc, we ‘ve already established that)
After having had a good look around and taking pleasure in scaring off the small animals in the forest,  he decided to talk to one of the trees. This was far less stupid than you actually might have thought. Looking like a tree himself it was at least slightly reasonable. But the tree seemed to think otherwise and remained silent. So he moved on to get some idea what was going on. At least that is what he later claimed to have done. I personally think he had no idea whatsoever and dawdled in the woods when suddenly he heard someone singing. Voices of elves transported love, warmth and security towards him. He followed those disgusting sounds to a clearing where he had to face a truly horrible sight: beautiful surroundings, lanterns, cooked food, fresh fruit, flowers in full blossom. Even worse: dark elves and fair-skinned wood elves, sitting around campfires, naked, singing, feasting and shagging all together, in peaceful harmony.
Now, here’s the thing: if you’re not familiar with the deadly hatred that had been treasured as a traditional habit between those two races, you might wonder what the fuss is all about. But you have to believe me that this harmonious sing-along was by no means normal and gave poor Vorn the shock of a lifetime. Everything he knew as a certainty had been tainted with a trace of doubt all of a sudden. (I feel almost disgustingly poetic by recounting his presumed state of mind)
In order to find out what the fuck was going on he decided to join them. Unfortunately (for him, not for you and me) he could not get naked because underneath his spiky wooden armor his skin had partially morphed into bark which might have occured as strange even to them. So he just stepped onto the clearing. But instead of fleeing or fighting they welcomed him. What’s more, they included him in all of their activities. Vorn began to like and enjoy it and wondered why he should ever leave again. None of them seemed to know or remember since when they all had been living together. With a last shred of common sense and truly inherent evil he realized that it might be the constant singing that lulled them into this obscene harmony. When Vorn admitted that he did not know the song they pitied him as a “lost one”. To further prove their sickly innocence, one of the she-elves took Vorn with her, deeper into the woods. Even every orc child is warned about the dangers of the woods (being other orcs often enough), but those elves seemed to have forgotten about that important piece of information. She started to grope Vorn while telling him about centaurs. I mean…. He did the only thing that let him keep his dignity: he broke her neck. (You have been warned)
When he returned to the clearing the song sounded disharmonic and the others seemed to fear him. he yelled at them and threw the female’s head onto the clearing. Screaming, hysteria, darkness and chaos were the result. He started a killing spree, yelling, urging them to sing his song. You have to admire his stye, really. Vorn single-handedly managed to destroy harmony and innocence, the basic idea of any paradise. Adorable. When the centaurs came to aid the elves, he killed them as well.
Of course even the best frenzy couldn’t last forever. Left without anyone to fight he waited till nightfall. A storm was gathering, no singing disturbed its howling. Pleased with himself (and rightly so) he had another look around and spotted a softly glowing blue thread, seemingly dangling in the air.

In the Abyss part 1

Like I promised (or threatened), this is a short description of my comrades:

Noden the Sorcerer
He is tiny for an orc. But he is also my son-in-law, so you better not say anything about his height. By the way, the phrase “son-in-law” just proves that the human language is entirely inadequate to explain orc matters.
Noden is quite clever and has a slightly unhealthy (i.e. unorcish) sense of fashion. I mean, he wears a shiny golden belt, braids his hair and wears a tattoo of his wife’s name on his back (which is my daughter, just in case you forgot as I do occasionally).
He also has the unfortunate tendency to throw his fireballs towards his comrades, but that is a story for another day. And don’t, I mean DON’T assume “fireballs” is a euphemism. It isn’t. Like I said, he’s tiny.

Slaag the Warrior
He is exactly what an orc should be like: tall, broad and simple minded. Colateral damage is his middle name. (Now that I come to think of it, that might be said about Noden too)
He loves magic items and luckily can wear them all at once thanks to his strength and stupidity. Which makes him a great comrade in arms. Just hint at something to fight or loot and off he runs to be the first to get it. It needs the wisdom of my age to know that sometimes it is better to wait and see. You’ll get an example of that in one of my next posts, I promise.

Also a warrior and my best friend. The stupidest of us all, and proudly so. His only wife, Gremmi, is far superiour to his cranial capacities (and to mine, btw). He has a huge ego, a huge weapon and a huge appetite when it comes to his wife. Sometimes I wished I had put up my tent further away from theirs…

A dark elf with a strong streak of sadism. He has a lot of minions and a very impressive spiked armor. His minions call him Iggyboss, I do that myself sometimes, just so you know and won’t get confused.

Another dark elf. This one loves drinking and has a great sense of humor. In the beginning he acted a sort of liaison officer between our small bunch and the troops of the dragon son but that is an epic story for later. (1)

The Brewer
Orc and drunkard. He was with us in our early days but lately has taken to drinking far too much. He is comatose most of the time because he drinks all the stuff he is brewing himself.

A kobold and our reliable medipack. He is a very good healer and fits into a backpack. His patience and endurance are legend.

And just in case you wanted to know and because I am in a good mood, I tell you about my family:
I have four wives, amongst which is one human. And I think I probably have about ten kids. The eldest son, Zordac, is a good orc and about to get the chief’s daughter as a wife. But to be honest my pride and joy is Schonka. For years I believed Schonka to be a male orc, only recently I found out she is a female. She will make a great warrior and husband one day. Yes, you heard me right. She is not interested in male orcs whatsoever. Neither am I, so how could I possibly argue with that.

That’s it for now. Next time I’m gonna tell you about that one time when we (me and the bunch mentioned above, except the family) had been on a mission of life and death. We usually are, it only differs who’s dead in the end. So, there. See ya. Hehe.
(Still can’t get my head around that foonote thingy, though)

(1) footnote
Why the hell is this called a footnote? Humans and their ridiculous naming of things. I keep both of my feet firmly attached to my impressive body, just in case you were wondering. But my human said, this is called a footnote, so there you go:
The epic story of the dragon son. I was in it, so were my comrades. But as I mentioned before I have a bit of a problem with paying attention. So if you are interested in all the details you have to go elsewhere. In fact you have to go to the little blue bird of @MekareDaray and press her into TELLING THE BLOODY STORY at last. I might be inclined to tell you some of it though, as I remember it. Which might not be exactly how it actually happened.