I thought you might want to hear how that incredibly exciting adventure began, when five dragons were threatening our world and yet the year was named after metallic excrements. One day I might tell you the whole tale but today only the beginning. If you are wondering who the guys are that are having this chat, go back to older posts and do some proper reading.
Slaag: “This is NOT a dragon!”
Me: “But it is.”
Groisch: “No way! It’s tiny. I feel betrayed.”
Vorn: “Now you know how your wife always feels.”
Noden: “And it IS a dragon.”
“A toddler – at most.”
“Then stay away from it. It just hatched. I don’t want it to follow us because it thinks you are its mom.”
“Baby dragons are harmless.”
“Then why are your pants on fire?”
“Hehe. Have you been talking to my wife?”
“Seriously. Your pants are burning.”
“I’m not wearing any pants – just a loin cloth.”
“Too much information !!!”
She-human informed me that today the year ends. She also told me that the name of this year is 2014. How boring can you actually be? Chronological numbers? Seriously? And believe me, I’m not complaining because I can’t count to that number (not even close). It’s simply unimaginative.
Not so where I come from:
In my world years are named after dramatic incidents or important personalities. Of course that means one year can have several names, depending on where you are in my world or which race you belong to. For example that one year the elves of the north named “Year of the Silver Hail” because something went very wrong at the silver-mining site in the mountains. In my tribe that same year was named “Year of the Raid on Smoke Tree Hill”. What fun we had. I remember it with delight. Another year the dwarves in the area knew as the “Year of the Great Stink” which was known to us as the “Year of Cheesy Pus”. I know what you think. And you are right.
Then there was the “Year of the Purple Fungus Plague” which also became known as the “Year of the Orc Flood” to the villages around our camp.
Sometimes an incident was so impressive that all the races chose the same name like the “Year of the Five Dragons”. Wow, that was dramatic. Only in the very last moment we renamed it to “Year of the Golden Poo” and guess who made the day?
So, 2014 is an absolute no-go. We must reconsider, and we must do it quickly. In fact, there can only be one answer: “Year of the Arrival of the Orc”, or in case there is any doubt who that orc could be:
“Year of Thrakbog the Slaughterer”. Actually you could just name every year after me because in this world I am incomparable and therefore – naturally – superiour, what with me being an orc and all that.
See? Wasn’t so difficult, was it?