I’m gonna take another adventurous journey and hop into Tarralan’s Dreamland. It sounds like a lot of fun (which my human does not). There’ll be monsters and perils of all sorts. What’s not to like about this? Continue reading One hell of a dream land this is
You know, I had some experience with teleporting (which I will never accept as an appropriate means of transport for an orc). But the tearing and pulling and the gut-wrenching we had to suffer when we touched that blue thread was beyond bearable. It did the trick though, and we all dropped out of nowhere and into the corridor between the hall with the eight doors and the muddy puddle with the black dragon. Groisch was there, staring at us with his mouth wide open (a normal sight). Moments later, the imp, Kiba and Roxas appeared as well. Problem: the door between the corridor and the room with the eight doors was gone. So, no escaping the dragon this time. We decided to face the beast like orcs. Well, the dark elves and the other creatures amongst us probably didn’t. We circled the puddle and waited. The holy symbol of our god on the wall began to glow, our god was with us (or loved watching our demise). The dragon was not very impressed by this display of divine intervention and the fight began.
Very quickly (and painfully so) we realized that normal weapons wouldn’t do it any harm. Magical weapons we did have but only for melee combat. In order to get close enough to hit we were also close enough to be hit. A fact which I learned the hard way when the dragon’s tail smashed me against the wall. Noden threw fireballs at the ceiling, stalactites raining down on the beast and did at least some damage. The dragon got into a spin and attacked me again. Someone fired arrows at it, hitting me instead. I blame Vorn but I have no proof. Slaag hurried to my aid but the dragon vomitted his acid all over him. Noden, Groisch, Slaag and me fought hard to gain at least some ground. Where were the bloody dark elves? Groisch and Slaag fell into the water (a familiar sensation, remember?), I could finally deal some damage to the beast, Noden missed more often than hit the dragon with his fireballs but on the plus-side he missed us as well. We dearly hoped that our god appreciated the effort if not the immediate success. Which there wasn’t.
When even Noden had to take an enormous amount of damage, Vorn finally decided to join in. As a direct response the dragon vomitted all over him. Slaag and Groisch climbed out of the puddle which seemed to distract the beast so I (I!) managed to chop its head of. More or less. Vorn posed with one foot placed on the the dragon’s head as if to claim victory but let’s face it: the dark elves had been sissies in this fight. Slaag and Groisch had proved once more to be excellent swimmers. And only Noden and I had rocked the puddle, so to say.
(warning: orgy incoming)
After a short period of recovery we had a look around. Noden discovered something shiny in the water. Groisch, realizing that he hadn’t exactly covered himself in glory here, jumped right in and grabbed it. It was a heart-shaped stone and after touching it he couldn’t let it go again. Instead he was capable of breathing under water and was gone the next moment. Bugger. Only then did we all realize that the water level began to sink. So we all got into the water and touched the heart-shaped stones. Darkness, a pulse, our god patting our backs (I dearly hoped it meant we did alright), opening our eyes: We were back on the field where we had gathered to resurrect Groisch. And lo and behold! He opened his eyes and was immediately mounted by his wife Gremmi. All the orcs, dark elves, kobolds, goblins etc got into a frenzy and a massive orgy was what followed. Of course we all joined in. I somehow remember Kiba and Vorn getting very cosy with each other but I did my best to delete that memory. I assume that this ferocious display of interspecies intercourse is of no interest to you or remotely something you’d like to read about in any detail. I couldn’t advise it, anyway.
He had become a frost orc, facing a snowstorm, howling winds, his feet crunching on the snow. He started building a snow orc. Awww, our little one. Isn’t he cute? Well… there goes the sillyness.
In the distance he could see hills, so naturally that’s where he would go. Because where there are hills, there are also caves. In one of them he found egg-shaped snowballs. There was also a corridor with carvings, showing wormlike creatures and mammoths. He moved further down into the cave, finding more ice-eggs. He opened one of them and found a tiny worm. Carefully (I sometimes question his parentage) he put it back into the shell and closed it as if nothing had happened.
Behind him something came down the corridor. Noden hid behind some rocks and waited. A great white frostworm appeared and slid past him. Noden hurried up the corridor and out of the cave. A high trilling noise made him stop dead and topple over into the snow. When the noise stopped his paralysis ended. He climbed on top of the cave’s entrance and hurled a lava ball onto the ice hanging precariously over the entrance. Just when the worm appeared the entrance caved in and buried the creature underneath a mass of snow. Well done, Noden. But of course, a giant frostworm is not so easily defeated. Noden (and this shows how clever he really is) stuffed his ears with his filthy dreadlocks. Completely immune to the trilling noise he could face the mighty worm more adequately. Back and forth it went: fireball vs. ice storm. In the end Noden proved once more what I have been telling you mantra-like: orcs are superiour.
The worm more or less exploded. Noden moved back into the cave and took a look inside the worm’s remains (don’t ask). Between the ice-eggs he spotted a softly glowing blue… bla bla.
Me (that is Thrakbog, just in case you forgot)
It was hot. I was hot! (no, we’re not yet anywhere near the sex bit) Everything around me was rocks and rocks of lava. And a small path. Anyone not expecting me to follow the only obvious path? Leave at once. Everyone else: follow me.
The sky seemed to be on fire, with lots of fireballs aimlessly flying around. I came upon pillars and a bridge over a deep chasm. Not the pillars were over the chasm, only the bridge. The pillars were decorated with jewels. Naturally I wanted them (the jewels, not the…, never mind). But instead of a ruby I got a visitor. A small lava elemental, accompanied by some fireballs, determined to attack me.
I ignored it (we orcs have that stoic quality in abundance) and tried harder to get a ruby. Instead another lava elemental appeared. So I tried to cross the bridge (I was not trying to get away from those silly walking hot stones!), but I bumped right into an invisible wall. So I turned and fought.
It ended victoriously for me, of course, but to my dismay I had taken quite a few injuries.
Not feeling very well, I returned to the ruby-project. When I pressed one of them, a voice out of nowhere asked why no one pressed the ruby on the other pillar in order to get to the other side of the bridge. I decided not to question the shapeless voice. As a reward a she-orc appeared, incredibly sexy, wearing nothing but a chainmail-loincloth, and grinning knowingly. I didn’t care one bit for what exactly it was she knew. She wanted me. But she demanded that I close my eyes. Women and their kinks, you know what I mean. But before we took it any further (metaphorically and physically), we pressed the ruby buttons and moved across the bridge. On the other side we gave in to our carnal needs and added substantially to the surrounding hotness.
When I came to again, still a bit lost in hot dreams, I also came face to face with the ugliest creature I ever beheld. A vulture-like beast with dry and dangling breasts was looming over and drooling down on me. I lashed out at it. Didn’t do much harm. Instead it laughed. I picked up the pieces of my dignity and walked away. It followed me, amused.
I came upon the entrance of a cave, wherein I faced burning dwarves. Yes, reader, they stood in flames, not caring one bit about it. One of them spoke my language, telling me that they were happy to see me (a first from the mouth of a dwarf), because they believed in a prophecy that an orc would come to free them from the curse of a succubus. And guess what? Yeeees, the sexy she-orc and the drooling vulture, they both were none other than said succubus. So, killing it was a given. The burning dwarves and I fought together as one orc (or dwarf, alright) and finished the beast off. We exchanged compliments and I was given a reward: a softly glowing… well, you get it.
Slaag, the Shadow (the shadow? the shadow!)
(Contains sitting on humans)
How do you cope in a world of shadows? Exactly. By becoming a shadow yourself. You move through the air, through objects, the darkness is your friend. On the downside you cannot hold a weapon anymore. There’s always something.
So, Slaag rather easily adapted to his new shape and environment. He passed dead swamps, rotten trees and muddy waters. Some of the shadows seemed to follow him but he – very orcish – chose to ignore them. More interesting, he faced a solid figure, popping out of the shadows. I mean, solid in the sense of not being a shadow. He had mostly human form, wore a cape and had fangs. He and Slaag had a nice little chat. After a while Slaag announced that he was going to hit the cape-guy. You have to admit that he had managed to hold back for an impressive amount of time. The vampire wasn’t bothered, neither by the announcement nor by the actual hit. Because, as you might have already guessed, Slaag’s fist moved right through cape-guy. Instead the vampire invited Slaag over to a solid rock formation where heroic adventurers faced a very hostile group of shadows. Slaag and cape-guy enjoyed the show for a bit. Then one of the adventurers turned towards them. Slaag had another nice little chat and demanded to have the blond she-human of the group for himself. He would, wouldn’t he. The other adventurers voted against that, rather expectantly. So a fight was inevitable, much to the vampire’s entertainment (and providing his dinner). Slaag got rid of the adventurer and sat down on the she-human to make her a shadow as well. (He does that sitting-on-the-enemy-thing a lot. It’s very effective given his body weight)
After having had his snack the vampire seemed quite eager to get rid of the orc and showed him something that might have been of interest: a softly glowing blue thread dangling in the shadows.