My human suggested that I should blog in a more conventional way but also revealing more of my orcish side. I do not need to tell you that she-human is full of those contradictions. And yet, I listened (partially) and did some research on what a proper blog should contain. Now I only need to fill it with the orcish spirit and that’s it then.
My research provided me with the following topics with which I might regale you over the course of the next couple of months. Perhaps you favor some over the others to read about? Let me know. So, here we go: Continue reading The orcish side of blogging
I’m in trouble.
Nothing new there, you might say. And right you are. Still, this is some form of trouble I would never have expected to find myself in.
Gather round, I tell you.
As I bustled through the internet this morning I came to the realization that today is apparently a special day that everyone seems to be excited about. Having learned my lesson never to ignore my human’s natural habits, I did some research. Sadly enough I found a lot about this guy called Valentine, but it was rather vague and it turned out he didn’t even exist at all. I also learned that people give each other little presents, especially in the form of hearts. Guess what happened next.
After my human had chased me out of the house for presenting her a dog’s heart (okay, I had already nibbled on it a bit) I tried to make amends by singing under the balcony. Soon enough I was accompanied by a number of cats. Knowing better than to catch one of them and throw it onto the balcony as a token of my devotion, I heroically ignored their juicy flesh and kept singing. When a vase painfully hit my head I considered to
buy steal (there is some dignity left in me) some flowers.
Being kindly let back into the flat I then decided to really make an effort. I polished my tusks and varnished my Toenail of Doom. Never having handled lacquer before I spilled some of it. Perhaps it’s the colour that didn’t go well with my human. I mean, rotting green doesn’t really become her, to be honest. But instead of appreciating the effort I am now banished to the balcony. Again. Guess what? It just started raining.
Piss off, Valentine!
I came upon something very strange. Not for the first time, you say? Right. Must have to do with the fact that I’m still living with a human being. There’s always something strange to detect.
Recently my human made me participate in a game of crime and detection. She left me in no doubt that I was a complete disappointment to her when it came to solving the puzzle. First of all I did not see any reason why a murder needs to be solved at all. Dead person is dead. What’s the point?
Also, there were a lot of other passengers on the train, what about them? Alright, alright, it was part of the game to be the first to solve the riddle. But surely neither she nor you could seriously expect me to be that one?
Humans have a great weakness: the overwhelming need to know. This causes all sorts of problems as is easy to see. A question arises? They will not rest until they found an answer. And not any answer would do, oh no, it has to be the right answer.
That is – you might have guessed already – not the orcish way. Continue reading Criminal Orc
Sounds like a musical, actually.
Now I have a picture in my head of a row of dancing orcs in tutus, smiling brightly as they sing a happy tune. I got to throw up any second now. Here’s what caused this odd string of thoughts (and I use the word ‘thoughts’ quite loosely): Continue reading Thrakbog goes to Hollywood. Or maybe not.
Recently a few fellow humans of my flat-mate asked me a couple of questions. I deemed it only polite to answer them. (Yes, I know, politeness is so unorcish, it almost hurts. This just shows you how low I sank since my arrival a year ago). Read about it on my “about me”-page.