Tag Archives: murder

Orc on a Mystery train

Mystery ExpressYou know, sometimes my human makes me wonder. Oh, alright, not only sometimes. But in this case it just showed how little she knows me. As if I cared who murdered the passenger as long as I got to loot the luggage? Of course, that’s not what I expected when I boarded the train. Here’s what happened.

Do we need an orc coroner?

Humans never cease to confuse me.
My own personal human loves stories about other humans that examine dead bodies. Yes, you heard me right. She reads abouth them, she looks at them on telly, she listens to them (No, not to the dead bodies, but to the stories about them. Don’t pretend to be more stupid than you actually are.). It seems that she has a morbid fascination for corpses in all stages of decomposition. But only if a crime is involved. Someone’s murdered and a forensic medical expert has to find out how it was done.
What struck me as odd was the fact that humans seem to need a specialist in order to get that information. So I told she-human that it’s a simple matter. Just look for a big axe, sticking in the corpse. Or a crude arrow in the chest. That shouldn’t be too complicated to detect, right?
But of course with humans, nothing is ever as simple as that.
So I learned a lot about poison, and fake hangings, tiny particles that tell long stories about asphyxiation (of which there is also an erotic version which had me very confused!), and a lot more. It seems that humans get incredibly creative when it comes to murdering each other. Definitely something to look forward to in the future.
This made me wonder, if in my world we should have a coroner too. The thing is, orcs never try to hide a murder. Because: why should they?
Here’s the thing: humans have hidden motives to gain something and therefore must conceal a lot of things over the course of a normal day. Orcs just don’t. Why conceal anything? Deceit is not our strong point. We want something? We take it. Someone stands in the way? Get rid of that someone. It’s as simple as that. I know for certain that there are humans living up to that orcish principle. But the majority obviously goes for deviousness. Why? Because they fear to get caught. There are far too many laws that prevent them from using the axe-solution. The question remains: where did those laws come from? Did they pop up out of nowhere? No, of course not. Humans made them. Again: one can only wonder about the unneccessary complexitiy of the matter. First they make laws against murder. then they commit them but try to avoid said laws. Why make them up in the first place then? Humans…