Tag Archives: martyrs

The legends of Barb and Seb

So, these days humans celebrate that one moment in the past when their leader was put on a stick. While cross-guy’s anniversary is still a bit dubiuos to me (see post from 31st October), she-human told me about some other guys that went through something similar and I very much enjoyed the stories of St. Barbara and St. Sebastian. I mean, to get rid of your enemies is one thing, but to do it in such a creative way, now, that says a lot about your mindset.

Sebastian apparently had been a devout follower of cross-guy and subsequently got sentenced to death and was shot with arrows. But he did not die. If you look at the paintings of the incident it really makes you wonder how anyone could possibly believe him to be dead after that shooting, because there was no blood whatsoever. Bit anemic, the guy.
So, instead of just taking this unexpected opportunity and run like the devil, this stupid idiot goes back to emperor who had ordered the execution and said: “Look, it didn’t work, I’m still alive. You might as well give up on it.”
The emperor – not having gained power for being a sissy – does not listen to the idiot (well done, him) but instead sets up another execution, this time flogging him to death. And in order to make sure that it gets really gory (I like), he throws the body into the city’s sewer.
So far so strange. What really makes me wonder, is the fact that not the emperor was sainted but the idiot who begged for being killed. Seb was really asking for it, wasn’t he? Question is, why?

And then there was Barbara. Young, pretty, clever. She was a follower of cross-guy as well, against her father’s orders. So dad got a bit upset with this obstinate child and handed Barb over to the authorities. They whipped her, beat her, cut off her breasts, burned her with torches. AFTER all that fun they had, they put her on trial (I really like this bit, because it’s so human, to come up with this pointless display of fake justice) and convicted her to death. So she was undressed (I sense a pattern there, all the pictures of these holy people showed extensive nudity) and presented her to the public. And apparently her father was the only one around with some balls, so he beheaded her himself. As an immeadiate response he was struck dead by lightning. Good show!

So I learned a couple of things from these legends:
1. humans love pictures of nude fellows, which is mildly disturbing because they look so much like naked mole rats.
2. humans admire people who wave a flag and yell “kill me, kill me, or else my god des not believe that I have faith!”
3. humans show their true creativity when it comes to torturing their fellow humans

Consequently, point 1 + 2 show that humans are idiots, but point 3 is definitely something to work with.