One hell of a dream land this is

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I’m gonna take another adventurous journey and hop into Tarralan’s Dreamland. It sounds like a lot of fun (which my human does not). There’ll be monsters and perils of all sorts. What’s not to like about this?wp-1472638616038.jpeg

Apparently one has to find a key of some sort, grab some loot and then get out of here alive. Looks very much like a job for someone like myself. They even bothered to pave the road so I couldn’t miss it. Thanks.

wp-1472638376468.jpegA snake pit. That was to be expected. Every villain with some self respect has to have a snake pit. It seems, someone was here before me and did not make it out alive. That sword isn’t very tempting to loot, my own blue one is a lot prettier (Yes, I go for prettiness of things these days. My human is rubbing off on me). But the snakes look rather delicious. Should I grab one for a happy meal? A fellow orc of my acquaintance has a weakness for Nagas. Certainly not comparable in taste to this common species of ass biters?

wp-1472638152798.jpegHey, wait! What’s going on there? Why do I have to drop into the water EVERY SINGLE TIME that I go on an adventure? What sort of god finds this funny? Come on, talk to me! Next, I’ll be crawling onto the banks of the Thames again or what?It’s not that I can’t swim. The reason I really hate it, is that it makes me CLEAN! Okay, okay. I admit that I am a lot cleaner these days than my fellow orcs would allow but this is a concession I have to make in order to stay with my human. Her nose is pretty averse to orcish odour. But I pride myself in not using that horribly flowery soap. Anyway, I digress. Another pond it is.

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There’s a lot more to this world than one would expect at first sight, apparently. Don’t worry if you cannot read any of the signs, the picture is upside down. After crawling out of the pond I was a bit confused. Which is no wonder if you see what attacked me on my way out:

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I passed by the Tower of Hunger and stubbornly refused to enter it as I had the suspicion that it was the tower itself that was hungry ans I would be its meal once I entered. I am not that stupid, you see.

The bridge across the skulls I crossed in a hurry. You can never know when the evil overlord reanimates this kind of stuff and then you’re doomed. I speak from experience here, trust me on this one.

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But there were also some pleasant things going on here in dreamland. I talked to a devil in quicksand, for example. Sounds like a juicy novel if you ask me, but there you go.

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Naturally, I also made some friends (I am socially capable, yes). Well, maybe not exactly friends. Those trees seemed to be bored so I sat down and had a chat with them. Told them about myself, my comrades, my countless wives and offspring…. It was like a therapy, to be honest. Great listeners, these trees.wp-1472637717512.jpeg

So, all in all I enjoyed myself immensely. There was also an undead knight and a dragon to be met and those are always fun. Well, unless the dragon is really mean and nasty but that is a story I have told already.

So, in the end, I did not find a single key. Nor did I come upon anything worth looting. But it was a bit like coming home (without the shrill voices of my family). Which makes me a bit melancholy right now. I like this dreamland. Can I stay for a bit longer, please?

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From now on this is called Thrakbog’s Dream Land. Who was this Tarralan guy, anyway? Probably the one that lost the key. And then he came up with all those lovely adventures in order to lure in orcs like me to retrieve it for him. But I told you, I am not that stupid. I’m gonna enjoy this rat infested pit a little while longer. Consider it a holiday. I know my human will.

 

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