Thrakbog is in da house. But it does sound way cooler than it actually is. Or maybe not.
You see, my human has a lot of rules. I normally couldn’t care less, what with me being an orc and all that. But she wouldn’t share her flat with me if I didn’t follow at least the most basic of those rules.
On the plus-side I get access to a lot of good stuff. Like coffee. This is a brew that should definitely exist in an orcish society. It’s bitter and strong, an experience that other creatures share when meeting a bunch of orcs. Surely there must be a way to take it with me to my home world, if I ever get the chance to return. Which is highly unlikely as I don’t even try to find a way, to be honest. I’m getting lazy. I blame my human.
Which brings me to another rule: sharing household duties. So far I managed to avoid the hellish machine called ‘vacuum cleaner’ (both words give me the creeps, can’t say which is worse).
But I have to do the shopping now and then.
Going to the supermarket is in itself an adventure of epic proportions. The first few times humans in the shop were highly irritated, most of them laughing or shaking their heads, not really getting the point. Since I arrived in this world I made the experience that humans ignore facts. Rather than acknowledge that creatures like me might exist around them they assume I’m a human wearing a costume. Which is ridiculous, by the way. So, now I yell at them, scare them, shock them, steal the goods and all they do is tip their fingers against their foreheads. It’s great.
Anyway, this shopping stuff also comes with a bit of danger which makes it all the more exciting. Just this morning I got sucked into a giant milk carton. Had to fight my way out of it. The dangers of the modern human world – there’s a good way a rough living orc can be kept alert at all times. But being prepared for the unexpected is second nature to me (it has to be with countless wives and offspring) and I doubt that she-human could come up with anything that gets me flat-footed (her face right now is telling me that she will think of something). So, at the end of the day we both gain something from sharing, and to be fair (which goes against everything I ever believed in) I have more fun with this than she could possibly have. Hehe. Orcs are superior, aren’t they? Don’t bother answering. They are.