Thrakbog, the boy band

I had a terrible nightmare. And I cannot possibly find words to express my relief that it wasn’t real.
Here’s what happened:
Last evening she-human and I had a lengthy discussion (no yelling, just plain talking) about different tastes in music and she told me about her fancying a boy group when she was a teenager. I had no idea what she meant so she showed me pictures and videoclips of several groups of young humans (presumably male, though I’m not so sure, and neither were they, obviously) in very colourful clothes and of questionable musical talent.
So far so good (or bad).

Last night I dreamt that a bunch of boys (at least I think so) in coloured lace hijacked my name and became popstars. They stole my identity, used an image of me as a recurring theme in their shows and pretended to know me well. They became not only famous but were followed by screaming young she-humans that wet themselves whenever my image popped up on a huge screen on stage. (Humans often wet their pants when they see me in full gear on the battlefield but that is quite another matter)
As people seemed to believe that I had something to do with that whole shit they started following me around, stalking me online and writing odd stories about me (which are called fanfiction, as my human told me). The things that go through those humans’ minds!
I was terrified, I couldn’t even leave the house anymore. I saw pictures of me online, wearing these disgusting lacey clothes and it all seemed so horribly real. Teenage magazines asking me for interviews, young and screaming humans begging for my attention and quite blatantly to bear my children. You know, even I have my limits and some principles I would not sin against. Being hunted by excited teenagers that try to tear off your clothes certainly would put even the strongest orc into a fit of nerves.
Imagine my relief when I woke up, drenched in sweat, but with my dignity intact?
Boy bands of the world, please go elsewhere for inspiration, I beg you.


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