Humans are stupid. It borders on a miracle that this species made it so far. That, or there are no real vampires in this world. But then why do humans believe in their existence? I had a somewhat irritating discussion (whenever I use the word ‘discussion’ consider it a battle of yelling) with she-human about the matter. We seemed to agree and not agree at the same time which is definitely too much to grasp for my poor little brain.
She has the odd habit of playing games where she pretends to be someone else but it is not the same as the humans in the theaters do (or so she says). It is called ‘role playing game’. In one of those games she pretended to be a vampire. She agreed with me that those are nasty buggers but also insisted that they do NOT exist in real life. I know for sure that they do, but maybe not in this world. The question remains how do humans know about vampires at all if they never existed around here? And how come they have such a wrong picture of those creatures? Trust me, they do NOT glitter. Ever. Except maybe if they fell into a decorated christmas tree. Which is not very likely. I might be able to imagine a situation where that could happen but not to such an amount that it caused reason to believe it made the whole species permanently glitter. You get my meaning. The thing is: if I understand that, how come humans don’t? Only possible answer: humans are stupid (see above) and – all together now – orcs are superiour.
Also there is the fact that in my world vampires are by no means ridiculous or sexy. They are evil in the worst sense of the word, meaning that they’re not even fun to have as an adversary. Blood, blood, blood, is all that matters. Horrid addicts with no sense of humour whatsoever. They put up a good fight and to be honest, in a battle one on one, I would not put my money on the orc (not that I would ever put any money literally ON anyone). Only very few creatures could stand up to a vampire and live to tell the tale. Good thing they usually hunt alone. Orcs never do. It’s the genius of the masses that wins the day. Yes, you heard me right, orcs do in fact have swarm intelligence. How else do you think could our species ever survive? We overrun the enemy if they’re stupid enough not to escape immediately.
While I was still ‘discussing’ the matter she-human went pale and smacked herself in the face. Rather charming I have to confess, although I prefer to do the smacking myself. So I inquired the reason for such odd behaviour. She explained that in those role playing games she not only pretended to be a vampire but also a dwarf (which I found disgusting) and an orc! I had to sit down right then. It was a very special moment for both of us (I see her becoming Mrs. Thrakbog No. 5 – at least I think it’s No. 5.) But her reason for going pale was rather less pleasurable. She played an orc and woops- here I am, a creature she never assumed would exist. What if the vampires then…? You get it. Hehe. So if I got through a portal into this world why not a vampire? And then my idea of a christmas tree-glittery vampire will become reality. I am a prophet. Very much into the christmas spirit, ain’t I?