Of diamonds and poo

Still no change in the weather. She-human promised that there will be snow sooner or later. I really hope she is aware of my ignorance when it comes to delayed gratification. I want snow. Now. I don’t think I’ve ever been so depressed by rain before. Even going out for a gluehwein or a rabbit hunt isn’t fun in this weather. So in order to keep my mind engaged (and off the contents of the fridge) she-human reads me stories. I cannot bring myself to do the reading. Still burping up irregular verbs now and then.

So I hear stories about poor kids, freezing in the cold streets of London. It’s madey-uppy, obviously. The weather was great while I was in London. I assume she-human is trying to get rid of me by telling me about far away places with lots of snow. So maybe even this Yeti thingy is not true. I’m gonna stay here. It’s a warm and dry place which is all I want right now.
In one of the stories she read to me some human fed a diamond to a goose in order to hide the gem. Then he got into trouble when someone else bought and ate said goose. What bugged me was the fact that this someone found the gem when slicing the bird. Surely in an orcish version he would have found it a few hours later, if at all, in his poo. Slicing a bird in order to eat it. How sissy is that? On the other hand, that guy who found out all about the matter was really smart. Made me wonder why someone so brainy would spend his time with such trivial matters instead of being an evil overlord. Perhaps I should find him and make him take on my case of the lost orc.

She-human just informed me that this Sherlock guy never existed. See? That is the problem with you humans. Excuses, excuses, excuses. So I’m gonna try it myself, this deduction thingy. Call me Thrakbog Holmes.

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