Winter isn’t coming

Winter in kraut-land is lame. Seriously, I don’t think it deserves the word winter at all. There might be other parts of this land where things are different, but right here in East-Westphalia it does nothing but rain. I went out into the woods to find some entertainment, maybe a monster to hunt, but there wasn’t any. Some rabbits, that’s it. Got wet and muddy feet and consequently into trouble when I came home.

How different things were back home. I remember that one time when me and my comrades went out into the wild to hunt a beast. It was deep and dark winter, in fact it was so cold that the snot dripping from our noses froze. We went up high into the mountains because we assumed to find one of those giant beasts we call ice dragon. I’m sure some mad scientist (aren’t they all?) or wizard calls them something posh like Glacialis Draconis. I might have overheard a conversation where this came up. I could not possibly know this all by myself. I’m an orc, for Gruumsh’s sake! On the other hand living with a human might improve my cognitive abilities. I have no idea what I am talking about right now. So maybe there’s some hope left for me to remain an orc through and through. I’m driveling.

So, ice dragons. Nasty buggers. They are slightly duller than your usual chromatic dragon but luckily very evil and never contemplate whether eating their prey makes sense. That way they’re more fun to hunt. Discussion is pointless and unwanted. I think that way both sides get a fair chance to win the game. Not that I could care at all about fairness. But in a battle of brawn vs. brain the odds are a bit unbalanced. Imagine an orc interbreeding with a dragon. Very pleasing thought, actually. Problem is, they’re hard to find if they take a slumber, what with being white as snow and all that. So instead, we stumbled upon an ice golem which was fun to destroy. It shattered prettily in thousands of icy shards. Not that I counted them, but Noden said so and I had no reason to doubt him. On the downside ice golems have the ability to shock-freeze their opponents which is a bit disconcerting. Especially when being attacked by said golem the next moment. But as always I could rely on my comrades to kick Frosty in the metaphorical nuts.

She-humans tells me there is a mythical creature called Yeti which might be fun to hunt. Perhaps I will take a little trip to wherever that creature lives.

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