Book Review?

First of all let me assure you that I’ve never read a single book in my life. Just to make sure that you see I’m not a sissy. I’m an orc, and orcs don’t read books. Ever. Having said that I have to admit that there are exceptions. I watched comrade Noden do it occasionally and found it mildly disturbing how he would totally get absorbed by it, completely ignoring his surroundings. Highly dangerous pastime, reading. His eyes would glaze over in a way they should only ever do when looking at my daughter, his wife. So he fancies books. It took me a while to see his qualities as a clever orc underneath all this sissiness.
Now, thanks to a purely arbitrary act of a god I am capable of reading and writing myself. I find that I still don’t trust the whole bookish stuff but my human convinced me to give it a go. One of the rooms we currently share (alright, I occupy against her will) is filled with an endless number of books. Could be several dozen or hundreds. Remember, I’m not good with numbers. Human insists that it’s just an average number and that there are whole buildings filled with books, called libraries. I’ve heard of those. Where I come from that’s where the wizards go to study. Might have a look at the British Library to find a sorcerer later. For now one room filled with books should suffice. So she suggested I have a look at them and pick one that sounded interesting to me. I didn’t even know where to begin so she started to give me short summaries to narrow it down. Why one writes a long book when it could be summarized with a few words totally escapes me. After about half a dozen plots I got tired of it and picked one randomly (alright, it was the thinnest I could find on the shelf). Human began to laugh hysterically which is never a good sign and made me promise to read it to the last page. I agreed maybe a bit rashly, caught by my vanity. She pointed at the book and remarked how fitting this would be then. I read the words on the cover:

“Pride & Prejudice” by Jane Austen.
Well, that sounded rather promising. There’s nothing wrong with being proud and life is certainly full of prejudices, which are quite useful when dealing with other races. I mean where would we be without all the drivel about elves and dwarves? It provides endless entertainment around the campfires. Also the alternative would be to actually speak to them. I mean, seriously?
So, pride: good, prejudice: good. I began to like the book, even though a female auther was a bit dissappointing. What do they know that could be of interest to me? Still, I had high hopes for my only ever reading experience. Well, relatively speaking. I would have had much higher hopes if she had suggested a raid of the Tower of London.
As I have not the slightest idea how one is to comment on a book while reading it I will just share my personal thoughts with you as I proceed through the text. Don’t expect too much though, thinking still feels rather unnatural to me.
Oh, if you have not read this book, this whole business is probably not of interest to you. How dare you nod your head right now? Go, read the book, then come back. Or read it along with me and tell me what you think. If I can do it, so can you. Hehe.

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